My zongo laimomo

Agatha my darling

How I miss you

I crave every bit of you

Your smile drives me crazy

Especially when you’ve just eaten tuo zaafi with that green soupy-stew that makes me puke in my mouth a little

Oh Agatha! With the little green bits hanging from your molars when you show me that sunshine smile

You know I call it sunshine because it’s so wide I can count all 32, but mainly because it’s yellowish-orange just like the sunrise

Oh my love, how you made showers so cumpuslory

You make me use dettol and lime just to get your fragrance off my body

Your fragrance was so engulfing, somewhere between a drunkards breath and a legon-madina trotro mates armpit

Oh Agatha! Watching you take  your shirt off and seeing that bushy armpit, oh how it turned me straight off and you had to put it back

And when you sit down and cross your legs! With your underfoot so dark with dirt like you just walked through the valley of the shadow of death

I know you have no idea how you do it

You blow my mind Agatha! With your greasy ear lobes and your starchy saliva

Oh and your breath! Oh your breath! Your breath knocks out all my senses, smell, sight, touch, taste, even hearing, my sense of awareness and occasionally my common sense

I never kissed you because it was a smell no toothpaste could close up pepsodently. I mean permanently

And when you fart! Okay I really don’t remember because the world went dark but I had a distant whiff of a thousand carcasses with a hint of antibiotic pee

Now with these girls that smell like roses with breaths of mint that I could always kiss and hug, there’s little left to be desired

I loved loving you from 3 feet away Agatha

I hope you have fun in Nigeria. And if boko haram carry you into a church on a Sunday morning, just know I always knew you were the bomb

Love ,

Laimomo in Ga is a term meaning ex girlfriend. It literally means used firewood.

Initially the name I used was memunatu. But maybe some of my friends wouldn’t have taken it lightly. Rydee we no dey take Internet dey play.


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